On Top of It All
by Jeah
Summary: How does it feel when someone you love doesn't return the feelings you feel for her? And on top of it all, the reason for all these was your best friend.... JL fic NEW CHAPTER UP! Sorry for the late update...
1. Default Chapter

AN: Hi everyone! I was not able to update my fanfics because I'm depressed but your reviews would always cheer me up!  
  
  
  
ON TOP OF IT ALL  
  
*This is written in James POV*  
  
Why does it all have to be like this?  
  
As I open my eyes, I saw you looking at me. But then I realized that it was not me who you're looking at. As I turned my back, I saw him, the person who got your attention. I bowed my head down and frowned. How foolish of me to think that you would ever look at me the way I look at you.  
  
After a while, I regained my composure. I just told myself that if it is him that would make her happy, then so be it. I have nothing against all that but it hurts. It hurts to think that your love was never meant for me. That I can only be your friend - only your friend forever. I really wondered why we can't be more than friends but I suppose you think of him better than me. Who am I to kid myself? It's the great Sirius Black we're talking. Almost all the girls are swooning over him.  
  
That's another thing. I hate to admit it but I don't think she could easily have him. Sirius may like her but still she would have to join the race, the race towards his heart. If only she chose me then she wouldn't need to go through all that. My heart is only for her and nothing can change that.  
  
In truth, I have nothing against my bestfriend. As a matter of fact, I love him but not in that way. I love him the same way a brother loves his brother. Ever since we were born, we've always been together. We've been through good and bad situations and overcame them all. Our bond is so strong that nothing could break it, even love.  
  
My heart longs for her love but I'm prepared to be hurt for the sake of the girl I love and my long time bestfriend. I'm sure both of them would be happy. Once they're happy, then I will be.  
  
But remember, I will always love you, Lily Evans. Always and Forever.  
  
AN: Don't forget to review!!! I'll update as soon as I can but first I'll update Sakura's Twin. 


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Hey you guys! I'm so touched by your reviews so I decided to post up the next chapter immediately. I just hope you'll review. If I receive maybe at least 20 reviews then I'd post the next chapter up.  
  
IMPT: This chapter is written in James's, third person, James's, third person, and so on point of view. I hope you could understand but if you don't feel free to email me.  
  
  
  
On Top of It All  
  
Chapter 2  
  
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Another day I'd feel my heart crumble. I really didn't feel like waking up. The moment I wake up, I know I have to put on my act again. Nobody should know my feelings for Lily especially my fellow Marauders. I know Peter would just shrug it off but then there's Remus and Sirius. I know Remus would give me advices but it would just make me feel worse thinking that Sirius also feels the same way I do. Next is Sirius. The thing is I don't know how he would react. I'm not exactly sure if he has feelings for Lily but it's good to be on the safe side. Besides, he's the one that could make Lily happy.  
  
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"Good morning!" Lily greeted James cheerfully while she came down and plopped on the chair in the Common Room where he sat.  
  
James was about to greet her but then Sirius came down groggily.  
  
"Good morning, Si!" Lily said and flashed him her million dollar smile that made James heart melt.  
  
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If only that smile was meant for me but no. It was for Sirius, only for him.  
  
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"Good morning to you too, Lady Lillian," Sirius said making Lily giggle, "and to you too, Jamesie old pal."  
  
James groaned and glared at him.  
  
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Oh! How I hate that nickname.  
  
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"Do you really have to call me that?" James asked irritably.  
  
"Of course! I just know how you hated that name." Sirius said merrily.  
  
"Geez, Sirius. If you knew I hated that then why do you keep on calling me that?" James asked curiously.  
  
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I waited for what Sirius was going to say. I glanced on Lily's side and saw her looking at him curiously. To think, I'm not really sure if she's looking at him waiting for the answer or she just love to gaze at his face.  
  
With my thoughts, I felt something painful in my heart. I knew what it meant. I prepared myself knowing that I would always feel that way.  
  
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Sirius shrugged and said, "That's the point, Jamesie!" He said making James glared at him again.  
  
"Well, I'm off now. I'm going to the Great Hall to eat!" Sirius said trying to run away from James. "See you later folks!"  
  
Sirius said and walked away leaving James and Lily alone in the Common Room.  
  
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How I wish I could kiss her right now. But I know it wouldn't be right. I've made up my mind. If that's what's going to make her happy, then I'll do it. I'll help them even if it stings here in my heart.  
  
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AN: I know it's short but it's just the first chapters. I'll try to make the next ones longer. Don't forget to review, please! If you don't understand what this chapter means, then email me. I love receiving email. 


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Chapter 3 up! Oh well, I understand that I just can't get that much review. But still I appreciate those who reviewed.  
  
What happened last chapter: Lily and James were left alone in the Common Room.  
  
(The thoughts are still in James's point of view)  
  
On Top of It All  
  
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This is it. It's hard but I know I can do it. It's for the best.  
  
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"Hey Lily." James said making Lily snap out of her trance.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Do you like someone?" James asked. He knew the answer but he wanted Lily to say it herself.  
  
Lily just blushed.  
  
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I summoned up my courage and blurted it out.  
  
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"Do you like a certain someone named Sirius? Sirius Black to be precise?" he asked and flashed her a smile, a fake smile.  
  
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It tore my heart knowing her answer. I tried my best to give her a genuine smile. I really wanted to tell her how I felt but I know I'd be rejected. We'd probably stop being friends if she also knew...  
  
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"What. what. are you sa-saying?" Lily asked nervously.  
  
"You don't have to hide it you know. I can see it." James said softly.  
  
"Re-really?" she asked while blushing.  
  
"Yeah. It's written all over your face, especially your eyes. It brings out all the emotions hidden inside your heart," he said telling her the truth she deserves.  
  
Lily just blushed.  
  
"You know what? I think I could help you and Sirius to be together?" He said.  
  
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There. I've said it. There's no turning back know.  
  
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"Really?" Lily said enthusiastically. When she realized how excited she seemed, she blushed.  
  
"Of course. What are our friendships for?" He said smiling sadly.  
  
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Even with the pain I feel in my heart, I still managed to give her a smile. Of course, anything for the girl I love.  
  
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Lily jumped out of her seat and immediately went to hug James. James, surprised with her reaction, felt his body become rigid and then he managed to relax.  
  
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That was unexpected! But of course, it's only because of the favor I'm going to do for her. If it wasn't for that, she wouldn't waste her time hugging me. If only that wasn't the reason. If only she felt the same way.  
  
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James managed to chuckle.  
  
"Geez, Lily." He started, "feeling so enthusiastic?" and raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
Lily blushed.  
  
"Well,. I. um."  
  
"Don't worry. There's no need to explain yourself." James said and gently placed his hands over her shoulders. "You'd be Sirius's girlfriend in no time." Lily smiled weakly. "Trust me."  
  
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Trust me.. Your trust in me would mean so much more than you think.  
  
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Author's Note: The next chapter would be longer than this, I assure you. Don't forget to review, please. 


	4. The new one! At last!

AN: Hey folks! Chapter 4's already here. Hope you like it.  
  
On Top of It All  
  
"Sirius!" James called out. He saw him walking in the corridor towards the Gryffindor House.  
  
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Breathe in, breathe out. I can do this. This is for Lily. This would make HER happy. This would make ME heart broken but hey, it's for Lily.  
  
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"What's up?" Sirius asked happily.  
  
"The sky?" James asked trying to lighten up his mood.  
  
"Nah! Only the ceiling." Sirius replied and then suddenly they burst out laughing.  
  
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It's so good to have Sirius as my best friend but I wonder what would it be like to have Lily as my girl. I think I would feel like in heaven but I wouldn't be able to know. I wouldn't be able to know because.  
  
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"Jamsie! What're you thinking?" Sirus asked.  
  
"Well, just want to ask you something."  
  
"Fire away"  
  
"Do you like someone?"  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yes, you."  
  
"Well, yeah."  
  
"Could be our precious Lily flower?"  
  
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Actually, she's more than precious. She's something I can't describe but it's definitely beyond precious.  
  
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Sirius smiled. "You got it."  
  
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My head dropped but I immediately held high once more. I grinned at him but deep inside I know that what I feel is the complete opposite. We feel the same about Lily but there is one little difference, he's the one that could make Lily happy. He's the one, the only one.  
  
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"So. planning to ask her out some time?" James asked.  
  
"Yup!" Sirius replied cheerfully.  
  
"Well, go on. You'd better hurry or someone else might ask her out first." James said while pushing him towards the Common Room.  
  
"Ok. Ok." Sirius said.  
  
Both of them went to the common room. Luckily, only Lily was there at that time.  
  
"Hi Lily! Well, I better be off now." He said while heading up the Boys' Dormitory.  
  
When James arrived at their room, he locked the door and sat down on his bed. He was the only one the room present at that time.  
  
He lied on his back while having a dazed expression.  
  
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I lost her. She's Sirius' now. I can't take it.  
  
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A tear threatened to fall in his face.  
  
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This is too much for me. Why do I have to do that? Why did I have to be the one who made them be with each other?  
  
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His tears continuously fell.  
  
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Imagine, what would the others think if they see the Great James Potter, one of the Marauders and Head Boy crying?  
  
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He laughed bitterly.  
  
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Actually, I really don't care. What I want now is to be with Lily but I know it can't be.  
  
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Again, he just cried and cried his heart out silently.  
  
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I shouldn't be crying like this. I already made Lily happy so I should be happy too. but I can't stop myself from feeling this kind of feeling.  
  
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His thoughts were interrupted when someone knocked at the door.  
  
"James?" Remus asked worriedly. He knew how his bestfriend feels about Lily. No. James didn't tell anyone but Remus being his observant self, he noticed. Actually, James was doing a very good job of hiding it but unfortunately for him, Remus still noticed. He wanted to help James, to comfort him. At a time like this, James would need his help.  
  
James got his wand and muttered something to open the door. He did not bother to stand anymore.  
  
"James, are you all right?" Remus asked worriedly.  
  
"I don't think so." James muffled reply came.  
  
"Wanna tell me what's up?" Remus asked.  
  
James smiled weakly but shook his head no. "Don't worry, I can manage."  
  
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I can manage?! Ha! Yeah right! But I guess I'll do my best. Can't have them worrying about me, anyways..  
  
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"You sure?" Remus asked again his worry for his bestfriend clearly evident in his face.  
  
"Hey, I'm the great James Potter, am I not? I can do almost everything." James tried to joke just to change the topic.  
  
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Yeah, almost everything. And the one thing I cannot do is to accept the fact that Lily can't love me. Why can't I get it through my head??? Why??? Another tear fell down my eye. I had to get Remus out or else I might spill everything.  
  
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"Hey, you know I really appreciate your help but I really think that it'd be better if I deal with this alone." James said. "If I really can't take it anymore, I'll ask help."  
  
With this, Remus raised an eyebrow. "Eh?"  
  
"Really!" James tried to shove Remus out though not really very hard.  
  
Remus just waved his hand in defeat. "Ok. Ok, I get it. I understand when I'm not wanted." He said trying to sound hurt.  
  
James just gave a small chuckle before closing the door.  
  
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I sighed. I wonder how long would I be able to keep up this charade. God knows how long. I just hope I'll be able to keep it up.  
  
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Thereafter, James Potter was left to fell asleep while crying on his bed.  
  
AN: I know you're all thinking, where have I been??? It seems like I've vanished in the air, don't you think so too?? I'm really really sorry but I know sorry doesn't cut it in. Seriously, I'll try to do my best to upload quicker next time. To those who have been patiently waiting, I'm sorry and I hope you enjoyed reading it. 


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